Of Rage and Tears
by RainandSunshine09
Summary: New Chapter has been posted! I think this might be the last one for a while! What was going through Raph's head during "The Invasion" when Splinter lost to the Shredder? This is the first story that is completely dedicated to Raph's POV. Brotherly fluffness, anger, and an emotional breakdown from our favorite hothead awaits. Please read and review.
1. Raphael's Rage

What was going through Raph's mind when Shredder disposed of Splinter in "The Invasion"? Small drabble. Read and Review please! :D

Raphael's POV

"You…You MONSTER!" I yelled at Shredder as he grabbed his shoulder and made his way out of the sewers. I can't believe this is happening. That coward. How dare he throw my master, father, away like a piece of garbage and then re-treat. At that moment, I lost any sense of control and was seeing red. I could feel my blood boil as my fists made contact with the grate that kept me and my brothers from getting to Splinter and Shredder.

Once my fists made contact with the grate, I couldn't stop. Metal was hitting flesh as I continued to pound it with all the strength that I had. I faintly hear someone yelling at me to stop. Mikey? I could barely make out what he was saying to me. My ears went deaf to the sound of his voice making it hard to understand what he was trying to communicate with me. It was like everything was happening in slow motion as I tore away from the grates.

"ENOUGH" I heard someone say in a firm voice. I screamed like a wild animal, blinded by rage and hurt. I barely made out an orange and green blur lunge towards me. I was about to fend off my attacker when I felt arms wrap around my torso, pulling me closer to him.

My vision finally came back to me as I realized that it was Mikey. "It's okay bro. Sensei is a master ninja. He's going to be just fine", I hear him say to me as he pulls me closer.

Mikey. He brought me back to reality. I managed to sneak a glance towards Donnie and April. Donnie looked sad. His chocolate brown eyes were fighting back the tears through his purple mask. I thought I saw one escape as he put his head down, trying not to let us see him getting ready to break.

And April, she looked sad but I caught a glimpse of fear in her gaze. Was she afraid of me? Was she afraid of the monster that I was? I know deep down that she was aware of my anger issues but I have never shown her how out of control I could become. I never meant to scare her or my family.

"Everything is going to be alright" I hear Mikey finish as I bury my head in his shoulder and wrap my arm around his shell tighter. I can't believe after my fit of rage he wasn't afraid of me. He could have let me go on my tirade but he didn't. I could have lost it on him but I think he knew that. He still took that chance because he wanted to comfort me in a way that he only knew how. For a goof, he sure knows how to calm down even the most savage beast. I see how he is with Leatherhead, always getting him to quiet down before hurting someone. How does he do that? I am so thankful for him or I would have gone on a rampage by now. With the Krang littering the streets, I knew that would be a bad idea.

I hear a sniffle and Donnie say April's name. I barely made out what she was saying about not running away this time. I was so physically and emotionally drained at this moment. We lost our Father to god knows what and Leo, ah Leo got the tar beat out of him. I could feel Mikey loosen his grip on me as a tear escapes down my cheek. This is not fair! Are we being punished for something that I am not aware of? As more tears started to fall, a sob escapes my lips and I pull Mikey tighter, signaling that I wasn't ready to let go. He got the hint and continued to let me work out my emotions.

I could hear the tears in Mikey's voice when he asked me if I was okay. When I let go and held him out at arm's length I was surprised to see that he didn't cry. At least, not yet. Giving him a puzzling look, I nodded. When did you get so strong, Mikey? Here I am pouring out anger and sadness and he, he's standing here solid as a rock, comforting me and trying to put on a brave face. Our roles got reversed. I guess this invasion has brought out the best and worst in us these last few hours.

Mikey wiped some stray tears away as they escaped down my face and tried to give me a small smile. I could see the pain behind that smile he gave. Master Splinter always said the brightest smile always hides the worst of pain. In that moment, I couldn't agree more with that logic.

As we walked back towards the lair to assess the damage done to the Turtle Mech, Donatello and April were chatting about various ways we could take down Krang Prime. And Mikey? He was silent. I caught him sneaking glances towards me as if to check on me. At one point I stopped and grabbed his wrist. April and Donnie were so caught up in their conversation that they kept on going. When Mikey turned to face me, I cupped his face with my hands and spoke softly, not above a whisper.

"Mikey, I'm fine. Believe it or not, I am actually much better. I'm worried about you"

"Don't worry about me bro. I know we'll get through this" I could see tears threatening to spill out of his once bright blue eyes. At that moment, he lost control. I pulled him close as he buried his face in my chest. Tears were staining my plastron as I heard him mumble our Father and brother's name.

I whispered, "It's okay, I got you. It's okay to fall, you don't have to be so brave, Mikey". I was surprised that he lasted this long without a break down. I guess in a way, Mikey has always been like that. He always manages to surprise us in the most unexpected ways.

I heard sobs turn to hiccups and knew then that we needed to catch up. I could hear Donnie's voice echo our names through the sewers. I gave Mikey a smile just as he did for me. I grabbed his hand and gave it a squeeze before we started to run to try and catch up.

I don't know what is going to happen to us. I don't know if Splinter is alive or how bad Leo's injuries are. But I do know, I can't let the rest of my family fall. I need to take all of my anger and strength to keep them together, we will get through this nightmare. We always do.

END! This is one of my shortest ones to date! But I had to get it out~


	2. What do we do now?

Okay, so FredGeorge said that this could turn into a multi chapter fic. I decided to add another chapter (I was debating earlier on whether or not I should anyway). Thanks for the reviews from the last chapter Honestly, it's what is keeping me writing because I tend to be too self-critical of my work. This chapter takes place during the drive to the farmhouse. Another Raph, Mikey, and Donnie fluff moment.

Raphael's POV

Casey drove up just in time! We managed to barely escape Krang Prime with our lives and with Leo and Splinter out of the picture, I don't think we would have been ready for that counter attack.

As Mikey closed the door to the van, Donatello makes his way over to Leonardo. Looking at my brother, my hero, beaten to a pulp just, I don't know, hurts my heart. And yeah, I said Leo is my hero. We don't see eye to eye at times and he is a royal pain in my ass but I look up to him. He does so much for our team as a brother and a leader. I don't know how he does it. That time I took over the leadership duty, Snakeweed got the upper hand on us and knocked Mikey for a loop. I was a nervous wreck and have never forgiven myself for it. He puts up with that chance on a daily basis. He takes on the responsibility of each of our lives and I never thanked him. I sure hope I have the chance to tell him how much I appreciate him one day.

Donatello looks over his injuries and places a blanket over top of him as April says something about going up to North Hampton. We don't really have a choice in this really and a place to re-cooperate and lay low is the right thing to do. We need to regroup and come up with a plan. We need to get Leo better. Right then and there, I silently vow to watch over Leo until he gets better. He would do the same for me and right now, he needs us.

I could see the guilt in Donnie's eyes and feel sorry for him. Usually it would have been me to defy Leo's orders but for some reason it was boy genius. The invasion definitely brought out the best and worst of us. Somehow roles were reversed, Mikey became the one who was strong, I had an emotional break down in the sewers, and Donnie showed defiance towards our fearless leader. None of this made sense now and I was too tired to try and figure it all out. I take a seat in the back of the van and place my face in my hands, trying to fight off the migraine that has been creeping up on me since we were back in April's apartment building.

I see Mikey make his way over towards me. Once he is beside me, he whimpers a little and I look up to see sad blue eyes. Usually when Mikey wants something, he gives us the puppy dog eye routine. This time it was different. These eyes were sad, serious, and showed fear. Fear of what would come next for us. Sadness for our fallen brother and father. Without giving it a second thought, I motion for him to come closer and let him snuggle. His head laid against my plastron as I place an arm around his smaller frame, bringing him closer. Very rarely I would let this happen, but after a day like today, I needed to let my guard down and be there for my brothers. Right now, I am the oldest and its about time I start acting like a good brother.

"What's going to happen now, Raph?" Mikey asks me as tears form in his eyes and he snuggles closer.

"For the first time in my life, I don't know little brother" I said as a sigh escapes my lips.

As the van veers off onto I-95, I see a sign that says 90 miles until North Hampton. This was going to be a long ride. "I miss Master Splinter", I heard a small voice say. I can't imagine how Mikey feels. Such an innocent kid who wouldn't hurt a fly. We couldn't shelter him from the horrors that we've seen happen today. We were all broken, no doubt, but I could see that our light was fading. Our light, our little Mikey, saw things that we promised to protect him from and I can guarantee there will be nightmares for him these next few weeks_. I feel like I failed you Mikey. I couldn't shelter you and I am deeply sorry._

I hold him tight and rest my cheek on his head as I feel him silently cry against me. This sucks. I don't know what to do for him. I guess this is all that I can do. Provide comfort for my family. Mikey's breathing becomes slower and I can feel him go limp against me. He fell asleep. This brings a small smile to my face. I think it's the fact that he's finally resting and I would never admit this in front of anyone, but he looks so cute when he sleeps. Or maybe it's the fact that I am able to protect him at this very moment and he feels safe with me, with us.

I glance over towards Donnie's direction to see if anything has changed with Leo. Our fearless leader is still out cold and doesn't show signs of waking up anytime soon. I catch a glimpse of Donnie's expression. I know he feels guilty but I also catch a glimpse of, jealousy? He stares at Mikey's still sleeping form propped up against me with envy. I guess Mikey isn't the only one that needs a brother hug.

I know I have said that I rarely show affection towards Mikey, but Donnie, I can't remember the last time I hugged the guy. Maybe when we were six? I get his attention by waving my hand in front of my face and he locks eyes with me. I motion for him to sit on the other side of me and he scoots over. He stops short of my right side and without waking Mikey, I manage to grab his shoulder with my left hand and pull him close. I see a surprised look creep on his face. Like I said, we haven't done anything like this since we were six.

I look down and now have two brothers resting their heads on my plastron. I lean back to support the weight of both and sigh when I finally feel comfortable. I feel Donnie shift and when he looks up, his brown eyes meet my green ones.

"Rest now Donnie. You need to sleep." I say to him as I examine his tired eyes. He looks terrible.

"I need to stay awake in case Leo…" he starts to say.

"Leo is fine for now. I don't think there is much more we can do for him until we get to where we are going. We need you to rest so you can take care of him." I could see a small look of defeat, I think I managed to shut him up for now.

He hangs his head, hiding his gaze from mine and sighs. I knew he wanted to sleep but the gears were turning in that big head of his. Before I could even ask what he was thinking he started talking. "I said horrible things to him, Raph." He stated through tears. I know he was trying to fight the urge to cry but he was over tired and that fight would not hold out for very long. "I was an awful brother, Raph. I don't know if he'll ever forgive me. Or if I will ever be able to apologize".

So that's what's bugging him. "Donnie, Leo will forgive you I know it. Do you know how many times we butted heads and he managed to forgive me. It's unlike you to not follow orders and put up a fight, I know he will".

"But what if I don't get the change to apologize to him?" he said. Tears were rolling freely. I could feel them make their way down my plastron and I heard him sniffle.

"Don't think like that. All we can do is hope. Hope that he will pull through. Leo is stubborn and won't give up. He'll come back to us, trust me" I say trying to give the best comfort that I could. I wasn't just trying to put a bandaid on all of this. I truly believe what I said. I know Leo would never leave without putting up a fight. He just needs time to heal, we'll be laughing and training and fighting in no time.

Donatello must have been satisfied with that answer because I felt him shift again and take another deep breath. Supporting his weight became a greater task and at that moment, I knew sleep came for him. He's going to need all the rest that he can get.

As I lay my head back I see Casey's face peer through the rear view mirror, a smile plastered on his face. "Not a word about this Jones" I said with a sour expression on my face. I was too tired to deal with any type of taunting he was willing to throw my way.

"I wasn't going to tease you man. Chill out. I was just thinking" Casey said.

I shut my eyes and yawn as I sleepily say, "That's a scary thought right there". I guess April fell asleep in the front seat as well because I could hear soft snores come from the front passenger seat.

"You guys are lucky. You know, to have one another? You're a good brother, Raph. More than you give yourself credit for", he said as he pulled his eyes back towards the road. "Leo will pull through man, you just have to stay strong for Donnie and Mikey. They need you now".

I nodded my head and let sleep take its toll. I will be there for them even when they don't want me to be. That's a promise that I know I can make.

END of Chapter 2. Don't know if I should continue? I know that Raph was a little OOC but after season 3 has started I have noticed how much he has really grown up as a character. He has really become a better brother and is not as short tempered as he used to be (except for "The Croaking" when he lost it on Mikey). It just warms my heart that the writers are showing what a good brother Raph really is. I hope they continue to develop this. Anyhow, please read and review!


	3. Stress doesn't look good on you, Bro!

Thank you so much for all the reviews and the requests to keep this going. Mucho Gracias amigos! :D Here is another chapter, this time it's in Donatello's point of view. Hope you enjoy it!

Donatello's point of view

My brother, my poor older brother was sitting in a bath tub unconscious. He should be up telling us how to deal with all of the recent events. He should be pushing us to train and formulating a plan to get back to New York. He should be downstairs right now with Mikey watching Space Heroes and Cronan the Barbarian. Instead, he is sitting up here in the bath tub, broken and wounded.

It was my fault that he is in this predicament. If I hadn't argued with him back in the sewer we never would have split up. Leonardo would never have been out in the open like he was, vulnerable to Shredder and Tiger Claw. He never would have been beaten to a pulp and thrown through April's window like a piece of trash.

And Master Splinter, he never would have had to cover for us in order to make an escape out of the sewers. If I hadn't argued with Leo, we wouldn't have had to split up. We could have all gotten out of there and then our Father would have never had to go up against the Shredder like he did.

I shifted slightly and stretched a little. Sitting in this old chair for three hours has taken a toll on my already sore muscles. My tired eyes continue to stare at my brother's still form. The slight movement from his rising and falling chest is all that tells me that he's alive. I grab ahold of his hand and hold it in mine, hoping that this will provide me some comfort.

The chill in that bathroom reminds me that it's still winter as it runs up and down my bare skin. I wish I could put a blanket around my brother. The cold starts to turn his skin a tinge of blue and I decided to turn on the hot water. Hopefully this will chase away the cold.

As I turn on the faucet to the red side of the tub, I flip the switch, and immediately water trickles down on my brother. I place my fingers through the running water and let it's cool touch wash down my hand and arm. When the water starts to warm up, I increase its speed and let it wash over my brother. Steam started to rise up from the tub where he lay. When the water got to his plastron, I shut it off.

"Donnie?" I hear a voice call to me. I know it's Mikey but I didn't feel like talking to him right now. I hesitantly turn around to see my other brother standing in the doorway with a…chicken? What the?

"Donnie, I'm sorry to interrupt but Lucy here is not feeling well. She's not laying eggs and I think something is wrong. Can you take a look at her?" He asked sheepishly.

The chicken didn't fight my brother as he held it there. It made a few clucking sounds but nestled itself in his big three fingered hands. She definitely didn't look good but what the hell did he want me to do? I wasn't a doctor, I was a scientist, an inventor.

"What do you think I can do about it Mikey?" I asked him as I stood up and stretched.

"Well I thought that since you were able to fix us all the time and you were able to help Leo, you could uh," he trailed off. I guess the annoyed look on my face gave him his answer. I was tired and I didn't feel like dealing with him at the moment. Leo was my top priority and I wasn't going to let something like this silly chicken distract me. My blood was starting to boil, and I guess my temper was rising due to the amount of stress that I have been under and the lack of sleep.

Before I could even register what I was going to respond, I went off on my orange banded brother. "I am not a doctor Mikey!" I yelled and made my way to where he was standing. He started to flinch, cowering behind the chicken as he put his hands up in front of his face. When I reached him, I angrily pushed the chicken out of the way so I could look into his eyes. I heard a thump hit the floor and heard Lucy squawk in protest.

I was met with fearful blue eyes but I ignored it. How dare he assume that I could fix his stupid chicken? "Don't ever, EVER come in and tell me that I was able to fix Leo, you hear me?" I screamed in his face. "Look at him, Mikey" I said as I pointed to our leader in the tub. "Does he look 'fixed' to you? I don't think he will ever wake up". My breathing started to increase as I felt a little out of control at that moment. I caught a glimpse of my brother's face as I held tightly onto his arm. Tears were leaking down his face as I let go of him and pushed him away. "I don't care about that chicken. Don't come in and bother me with your stupid…ergh I don't know, you're just being stupid".

Mikey wiped his tears and quickly made a dash through the door. I stood there for a second to recompose myself when Raph came running in. "What the hell, Donnie? I heard yelling all the way from outside. Mikey ran out and he looked like he was crying. What did you say to him?"

It took a moment to process what just happened and then it hit me. "I said some awful things to him" I replied as he picked up Lucy who looked confused as to what was going on. "I'm a terrible brother. I argued with Leo and he got hurt because of me. And now, Mikey…." I trailed off, guilt was hitting me at that moment.

"Donnie," Raph placed a hand on my shoulder. "You're not a bad brother, you just lost your temper. You're tired and just over stressed. I will watch Leo, go after him Donnie." I pulled away from him and took off down the stairs. I ran into April on my way down and she pointed towards the front door, signaling that Mikey went that way. I nodded and continued.

As I opened the door, I was greeted with a winter wonderland. The snow was coming down pretty hard and started to pile up on the van, the windshield completely covered. I quickly realized how cold it was and my brother probably didn't have a coat or boots on. I turned and grabbed my coat off the rack just inside the door. After bundling up, I grabbed the orange winter coat that still hung on the rack and continued on my way out the door.

I quickly shuffled through the white powder and started calling for my brother. "Mikey! Where are you?" I could see my breath hitting the cool air as I yelled for him. I was hoping that he would answer me but I was just greeted with silence.

Great, he's gone off into the woods. I start searching the ground and aha I found his foot prints. They were faint since the snow was already starting to cover them but thank goodness I could try and find him. As I made my way through the wooded area, I started feeling that hint of guilt rise up again. I can't believe I said that to him. I really hurt his feelings.

I followed the trail of footprints to a small hilltop in the small wooded area. They stopped when I reached a tall oak tree. Feeling disappointed that I possibly lost him, I look up. Between the falling flakes that made their way down my face as they fell from the sky, I see a small green figure high up in the tree. Mikey was perched on one of the branches and looked deep in thought. I don't even think he heard me walk over here.

"Mikey!" I said as I placed my hand over my eyes to prevent the snow from getting in. I startle him and before I knew it, he slipped off the branch that he was sitting in thanks to the snow and ice that was forming on it and started to fall. I panic when I see him make his way towards the ground. Not knowing what else to do, I stand directly underneath from where he was tumbling and reached my arms up towards the sky with the anticipation of catching him.

Well, I caught him. Sort of. Suddenly I felt the force of his weight collide with me and we both fell to the ground. I lay there in the snow for a minute before I decide to get up to check on my brother, trying to get my breathing under control since breaking his fall knocked the wind out of me. I started to panic when I didn't see him move from where he fell and quickly checked him over.

"Mikey, Mike, talk to me!" I turned him over and placed my hand on his head as his bright blue eyes opened and looked up at me. He looked confused for a moment and tears started to sting at my eyes as I swallowed the lump that was forming in my throat.

"Donnie?" he asked. He attempted to sit up but I stopped him from moving. I gently place my hands under his armpits and hoist him in a seated position. He started to shiver so I grabbed the orange coat that was lying in the snow next to us and placed it over his shoulders. I pulled him closer to me and tried to warm him up.

"Mikey, I'm sorry" I said through chattered teeth. "Look, let's go back and warm up at the house. We can talk more there". I felt him nod and I carefully lifted him up and supported him as we started to make our way back.

When we reached the house, I quickly yelled for Raph to grab some blankets. I placed Mikey over on the couch by the fireplace and started to check him over for injuries. With nothing but a twisted ankle, I sighed a bit of relief. Raph came in and placed a red flannel blanket over his shoulders. I sat next to him on the couch and nodded to Raph that it was okay to go back upstairs.

"You know where to find me if you need me. Work it out guys" He said as he made his way back up the steps.

Mikey didn't talk during our trip back home and I think he was a little mad at me. I couldn't really blame him if he was. I managed to push him away, yell at him, and then he fell out of a freaking tree. I nudged him to get his attention, pulling him out of the trance that he was in.

"Mikey, I'm really sorry. I don't know what came over me" I said softly. He turned to face me as I continued. "I am such a horrible brother. I yelled at Leo and he got hurt. And I did the same thing to you too". I put my head down in shame and sat quietly. No response from Mikey. I guess he really is pissed.

"Dude, it was my fault for going up in that tree. And Donnie," Mikey guided my eyes back up to his as he placed a hand under my chin. "You're not a terrible brother. I forgave you the moment you yelled at me". Silly Mikey, he always has a heart of gold.

Before I knew it, I was pressed up against him in a hug. Tears sting my eyes and fall down my cheeks as he just held onto me. "I never should have yelled at you, Mikey. I never should have yelled at Leo either. I feel like history repeated itself".

"D, I am sure Leo knows that you are sorry. Its not your fault so don't blame yourself for me or him. We've been through hell these last few weeks". He pulled away and gave me a signature Mikey grin.

"Why were you up in that tree?" I managed to ask as I wiped my tears away.

"It's my place to think. I go there when things get to be too much around here. The view is awesome and has a way of just calming me down when I'm upset".

I half laugh remembering his ankle and reply, "well you won't be climbing trees anytime soon"

"Well, you shouldn't be up in that bathroom for hours at a time. You need your rest, bro". He gave me another cheeky grin and I pull him in towards me. His head rests up against my plastron as I fix my blanket and join it with his so I could put my arms around him. I rest my head on his and start to fiddle with the tails of his mask.

"Leo will wake up Donnie, you'll see. You've done everything you could possibly do, its all up to him now" I hear him mumble. "Stop beating yourself up". I feel him wrap his arms around my torso and pull himself closer into my embrace. I held onto him as I processed what he said. He's right, I need to start living in the present and stop hanging on to what happened in the past. Leo would want us to keep charging forward. Master Splinter would want the same thing too.

I felt Mikey's breathing get slower and more relaxed. I guess he fell asleep. Before I let the much needed rest take over, I whispered, "I love you Mikey".

REVIEW! I think this is the last chapter unless anyone has any other ideas! Not the best chapter, but it's there! Thank you everyone for showing your love for this fic!


End file.
